If I had a soul to sell I'd buy some time to talk to my brain cells

oh the joys of working downtown... today a guy came in and asked if he could take our boxes onthe back stairs of our building becuase he's moving... so i was like... yeah for sure... i will come out back to help you load them if you want... so we get out there and i walk over to the pile of compressed boxes and pick one up... to my shock and dismay i uncover a guy in a sleeping bag giving me the evil eye for waking him up... so i sorta just put the box down and said oh... sorry... and walked away... i went in and got the guy some of the boxes we had in the back room that i hadnt cut down yet... i was just sitting here at work thinking about it... thinking about my new shoes and c.d. and my warm coats ... even if my coat is from value village... and i was like... i act like i know what it is to struggle... and i feel like oh my life is soo bad... but is it really? i feel bad in another two weeks it will be alot colder than it is now... what happens to me? i put on a sweater and bump the infloor heating a few degrees so my feet arnt cold... but seriously... i've got it good... i've got it easy... and i fight to know that it doesnt make me a bad person unless im not doing anything for the people who dont have it easy... but still it makes me feel like a bit of a princess... it makes me wonder if we arent the royals loarding our sucess over the rest of the world...

it also makes me nervous for winter... becuase i work alone and if i thought the people who wandered into my store off the street were sketchy in the summer... whats going to happen when its 40 below... i guess i'll just have to have the hot chocolate on at all times :) everyone likes a good cup of coco.

second best was a safe enough bet

sometimes you over hear things that arent ment for you... things that you didnt know, that your not supposed to know... that stop the world... i mean they really truely stop the world... today was one of those days... a friend of mine... a person whom i was fairly close to at one point, was talking to my brother and he told him that he is going to ask someone to be his bride... well normaly it should be something happy to stumble appon... but it wasnt... mostly becuase i dont really like his girlfriend, we are aquaintences, people who have known each other since highschool, and have been out together on many occasions but have never materialized as friends... i dont know why it bothers me but it does. actually i do know why... becuase i know my friend and as much as he trys to be the totaly scene cool guy he acutally ended up being he is just so much more smart and unique than he lets on. he really is just such a great guy and i feel like he is settling or being pushed into this step becuase thats the natural progression of life... that and everytime i have hung out with them in the last 6 months she has said something abotu getting married... or about how she's expecting a wedding ring... which is just way to forward for me... its just wierd. i guess i just look at it and i dont want to see some one that i love so much end up in some terrible relationship that he really cant get out of... well at least not that easily. i feel like we are getting old, and we are letting chances slip out of our hands, by opting for the "right" paths, the ones with houses and children and 25 year morgages. as we stand on the road staring our planned out lifes strait in the face, saying i do... i worry that we havent though things through... we got scared of the ever looming "DIEING ALONE" and said screw it im sure this wont suck all the time... yes i do think we are settling, getting scared of the future and gabbing the closest thing to a futre we can find. maybe im just some stupid commitment-aphobe but at least i think about things in the long term. i mean maybe he sees things in her that i dont see but i dont see the kind of girl who would understand why a guy who is stoked about snowboarding and movies like jack ass could also be stoked about european art, or about post-modern short stories... i guess that maybe becuase we were in a friendship not a relationship he could show me things becuase he wasnt as scared of my judgements as of her's... but the point is i have gotten to see the things that he wouldnt necisairly reveal to her becuase of what she would think... which is so sad, because relationships are about truth and openness and understanding and appriciating people for their unique and beautiful differneces... i just dont want my friend to be stuck in a life that no one should have to live. i wouldnt want to see anyone stuck in that kind of a life... a life with marrage yet a life with out love...