for oh my God it found out me... amazing love how can it be...

i rember once someone inconsiderately saying... no one wants to hear the words Cancer... its a death sentince... he didnt know that my father had that word in his body at that very moment... almost 3 years since then and luckly there things were looking all clear... that is untill my dad announced today that he found a new lump... not to say it is cancer... just saying its a lump... but thats scarry as hell no matter what... espcially beucase its a lump found in the same region as the previous cancer... i dont want to beilve that its cancer no one does... i just want to try to get it out there and be a little less afraid becuase i was soo strong last time and i know that i cant be thats strong this time... if i have to go through the same thing that is... truth is... i havent been feeling 100% for a while now... i think that being the "strong one" for most of my life has left me weak and tired. i actually stared at my wrists last night for a long time... just looking at my veins watching my life go by... wondering what was next... im so weary of it all. i dont need your sympathy but if you could find it in you to pray please do... good night.